Permission to Vomit

Do you have more money that taste, know nothing about trains, and want the perfect gift for someone you don’t really like?  Then the ‘Spirit of England’ Express from The Bradford Exchange is perfect for you!

The sense of romance evoked by locomotive travel surpasses any other form of transport – particularly when travelling through the tranquil British countryside. The combination is pure delight: a feast for the senses, as unspoilt vistas unfold with every passing moment, revealing centuries of history and mystery. Now you can revisit the time-honoured tales of battles won, trophies raised and British icons born, with the ‘Spirit of England’ Express – exclusively available from The Bradford Exchange and limited to just 999 editions worldwide.

You do wonder exactly who buys this tat. Presumably their target market are people who neither know the difference between England and Britain, nor know the first thing about trains. Although, as has been pointed out, it is a cheap way of obtaining an On3 model of an American narrow gauge train of a type that bears no resemblance to anything that ever ran in Britain. Or England.

You’ll love the wealth of authentic detail devoted to every inch of this heirloom-quality express train and its boldly decorated 2-6-0 steam engine. Each carriage features a solid metal chassis and steel alloy wheels, highlighting unparalleled levels of craftsmanship. At night the drama increases incrementally as the express rolls along the tracks with its engine headlight illuminating the way, and all the car windows aglow with warm, inviting light. Soon, you can look forward to adding coordinating ‘Spirit of England’ passenger cars and free nickel-silver tracks-and-power pack.

You know, I feel sorry for the poor sap whose day job is writing this bollocks. I suppose people have to eat, but…

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5 Responses to Permission to Vomit

  1. John P. says:

    Gobsmacked. That is truly awful … but there must be enough people out there with more money than sense to make it commercial. I guess it’s proof of the saying that no-one ever got rich by underestimating the public’s lack of taste. And it comes with a “certificate of authenticity” too – that certifies you are an authentic sucker presumably.

    But “a cheap way of obtaining an On3 model”? At 60 quid for the first installment and a total of 720 for the full set of 12 parts? How is that cheap?

  2. Michael says:

    Do they seriously hope to sell 999 of those?

    I think they would be hopelessly optimistic at 99, and should be darn grateful to sell 9.

    One wonders if that description could be subject to an investigation under the Trades Description Act? How could that be described as English?

  3. kimodojoe97 says:

    It’s a collectors’ item. In 100yrs time it might be worth 20p

  4. Tim Hall says:

    20p? That’s being a bit optimistic, surely?

  5. John P. says:

    20p sounds fair enough. The scrap value of the metal is probably about that.