Naughty Thomas!

According to this BBC News story, Thomas the Tank Engine, as well as being blatantly steamist propaganda, is a bad influence on today's children:

Mr Young, an expert on how children react to TV programmes, said there was evidence that children who watch programmes that consistently portray the same image tend to think there is more danger than normal.

"As a result there is a possibility that the sheer amount of crashes they see on Thomas could frighten them," he said.

"Seeing lots of crashes on TV means they could end up absolutely terrified of going on a train."

Time for Thomas to retire and be preserved. He should be replaced by a show that represents the reality of today's railway, starring Timmy the Turbostar and Fred the Freightliner 66. Of course, The Fat Controller will be replaced by the Even Fatter Accountant, and Timmy will be in a completely different livery in each episode.

Alternatively, we could have the never-broadcasted episode, Thomas Gets Scrapped

"Hello Thomas", said Axel the Oxy-Acetylene Cutting Torch.

"B*gg*r", said Thomas.